Today would have been 11 years in Haifa. We left the BWC on 26 March. I had served 10 years, 9 months and 23 days. 11 years ago today I flew into Haifa. A trip that certainly hadn't been what I had expected, filled with tests but also beautiful confirmations. I think my whole service could be expressed that way. I certainly didn't expect to stay more than the 2.5 years I had promised. I definitely didn't expect to leave the way I did, in the middle of a pandemic with 2.5 ays to pack and no chance to truly say good-bye and no time to think about it either. I came in 2009 young, fearful, alone, but with a deep resolve to learn and grow spiritually. And I left on 26 March 2020 with confidence and insight, strength and faith, a beautiful, strong, grounded, loving husband and two sweet, precious, joy-filled little boys. All things I never would have believed possible 11 years ago today. It's as if I went to Haifa seeing only in 2 dimensional Black and White, but I left Haifa seeing the world much more clearly in 3 dimensional color. "I once was blind, but now I see."
I'm still trying to process everything that has happened and how different our lives are now and will be when everything has settled. But right now, in this moment, I'm just grateful for the earth shaking, life changing, consciousness raising gifts that God has given me over these last 11 years.
Below is a poem I wrote at the end of our pilgrimage in March. On the 16th of March, my mom, my sister-in-law and I got to spend 4 hours at Bahji. Something I hadn't gotten to do since before Jonah was born. I didn't know it would be my last visit there, but my heart guessed.
The warmth of the sun on my face
The birds singing in every direction
The focal point of God's grace
The circles of His unending protection
The shadows of trees showing the passage of time
The flowers swaying in the gentle breeze
A moment only Yours and mine
To remember when my heart grieves
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