Powerless

I wish I had the power to go back in time and change the past. Not for me... I'm sure there are reasons for everything that has happened in my life, regardless of whether I understand it right now or not. But for a few other people in my life, who's souls were fractured by the disgusting and cruel actions of other people. People in their lives who they trusted. People who they thought they knew. People who manipulated them and stole from them and hurt them deeper then any of us could ever wish on anyone. Who stole their childhoods. I wish I could take away their pain. Take away not only the actions of those people who did it to them, but also the actions of the other people in their lives. Their family, their friends, their peers. The people who turned on them. Who blamed them, who didn't believe them, who pretended not to understand, who felt they had to take sides, who ridiculed them, who alienated them. When they needed compassion and help and trust and understanding and most importantly love, instead they received cold shoulders, ridicule and fear. I wish I could hug them and hold them and tell them that I had the power to give them back what was stolen. To unfracture their souls, to heal their hurts. I wish I could spare them the anguish and pain they feel every day trying to make sense of something that has no rhyme or reason. Trying to make sense of something that doesn't make sense.

But instead I sit here powerless.

You Were Never to Blame

I live my life carrying around a weight of my own making.
Shouldering a burden that doesn’t exist.
Wearing a mask that hides what I feel.
Afraid.
Unworthy.
Incapable.
Young.
Yearning for compassion, friendship and love
but afraid of interaction.
Constantly second guessing myself.
I hide.
Inside my mind.
Inside my heart.
Behind a smile and a calm exterior.
My fear kept under a tight lock.
My inexperience and cowardice fed by my silence.
A silence so deep I forget it is there.
It feeds on itself, ensnaring me deeper in its web.
I get lost in the echoes of nothing and everything.
The echoes of conversations that could have been if I was more capable,
of friendships that would have been if I were less afraid,
of a life I wish I knew how to lead,
a lack of acceptance of who I am,
constant judgment of who I should be,
And Fear.
Outrageous amounts of fear.
Has left me in a world of written words, poems & lyrics
A world of silence.